Original Blueprint

Heb.13:⁴ (NRSV) “Let marriage be held in honour by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicators and adulterers.”

There are different seasons in marriage and the same applies to sexual intimacy within the marriage.

Married couples will testify to seasons when they had to be away from their spouse consistently for long periods. Some marriages have experienced seasons where one person is not healthy or fit and this will affect the sexual intimacy of that couple.At other seasons, one person is not just interested in sexual intimacy. There are just different seasons in marriage and if sex is your primary means of finding release, you are going to struggle. God’s plan for sexual intimacy is for expressing love.

So, what should be the primary means of your sexuality? The primary means of our sexuality is for expressing love. Some people just want to know if masturbation is okay while some others actually ask for scriptural references where God categorically says, “Thou shalt not masturbate!” The truth is the way God designed sexuality is for us to find fulfilment in the arms of our significant other in marriage. What masturbation does is it lures us to find fulfilment literally in our own hands; meaning you do not need the other person. Meanwhile, God designed it so that you will need the other person. And when there is an issue between both of you, because you need the other person and sexuality is an expression of love, then issues get resolved. But with masturbation, that would not be the case.

Sexual intimacy should be a reward for the pursuit of a person not the pursuit of a passion. The Church of England have their wedding liturgy – after they join the couple, I love the part of the liturgy that says, “Strengthen the union of their hearts by the union of their bodies!” That is so instructive. In other words, the union of their heart should happen first. Once the union of your hearts happen, then you take her to the altar and you are joined in the sight of God. Then and only then can the union of the bodies happen and the union of the bodies should strengthen the union of the hearts. But the world turned it upside down; the world says let’s join our bodies, then we would see if we could have a union of hearts.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, I commit to following the order You have instituted in every stage of my life, in Jesus Name. Amen!